i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
