i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
