I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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