tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
