I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I need water and some morals
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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