he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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