Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
