There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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