defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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