that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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