My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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