3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize