Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
