Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
