Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
