he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
false alarm, still single
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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