his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
this is an emotional support booty call
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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