I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize