Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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