ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
