Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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