Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
