summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
