That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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