do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
