He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
