He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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