The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
what the fuck happened to the tacos
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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