cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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