I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
