uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
