Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
