Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
