You work out of a Hotel?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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