I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
what day is it and did you see me today?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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