i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I showed him my bush... on skype.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
