Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
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