You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
