I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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