I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I puked a lego.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
A+ Viking dick
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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