dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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