He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
