OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
