Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
