the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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