Tell her she can't have a vagina
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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