You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
