I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
