I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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