I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
