I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
When are your genitals available?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
