We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
