I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
