Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
you inspire me to be a worse person
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
