I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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