I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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