I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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