I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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