I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
My cat gives me a boner
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
