next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
