I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
