everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
