it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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