You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
