I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
