so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
