help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
