He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
