i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
