Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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